We are often told to love ourselves, accept our flaws and look for nobody's validation but our own. It is rightly believed that our flaws do not make us inferior to anyone. Whether it is your height, weight, body type, skin, health problems, behavior or any other uncommon body feature, each person is different and it does not position anyone below or above the other. ‘Self-love' and ‘self-confidence' is truly the key to shine.

But this notion is often mistaken to mean not changing yourself at all. The process of bringing about a change or correcting your flaws is, today, looked at as opposite to self-love and against the process of accepting yourself, which is not true. To change yourself for something or someone is misunderstood as comprising and not loving yourself enough. This act often stretches to a point where the concept is misunderstood and turns into ‘self-denial.' Thus, bringing me to my main question: Self-love, but to what extent?
Before diving into the exploration of this topic, it is essential to understand what exactly is a ‘flaw.' I'm not focusing only on the dictionary meaning but what it means to us. Different people consider different things to be flaws. A flaw for one, may not be a flaw for the other. Hence it is a very subjective area. According to me, it could be simply explained as some characteristic of yourself, which makes you feel slightly less eligible or less confident. This is where self-love comes into the picture.
Loving and accepting yourself, despite the little things you see as faults or defects is self-love. It gives you the power to believe in your strengths. It encourages you to embrace yourself just the way you are and empowers you to be confident in what you do. For instance, when one has made peace with the fact that he/she is short, but does not lose confidence in his/her own self, the person is said to be truly embracing themselves. Similarly, when one is skinny due to health problems, there is not much that one can do about it. Believing that a flaw doesn't represent your true self and accepting it gracefully is what it means to love yourself. It is about having a positive attitude towards your deficits, that it fills your body with energy and keeps your self-esteem high.


But the concept of loving yourself can often be misconstrued as a state of mind where nothing else matters. Self-love is not supposed to be independent of self-awareness. Being aware of our flaws and their effects on us or our loved ones helps us improve those defects. Refusing to change or improve your faults under the name of self-love by saying, “This is how I am and I love myself,” is the exact opposite of what loving yourself means. This is self-denial. Your love for yourself must drive you to become a better version of yourself. Bringing about a change justifies the love that you give your body and mind. Noticing your own foibles and working on as many as possible is what self-love is about. For example, one cannot advocate their inappropriate behavior by saying, “It's my nature and I love myself.” Just as one cannot eat junk food and advocate their obesity by saying, “All bodies are beautiful and I love the way I am.”
We often forget to notice that there is a thin line which separates self-love and self-awareness from self-denial and self-obsession. Although it all has to do with ‘self', its meaning changes with context. Being egoistic, not having the ability to take criticism or feedback and changing it into motivation, are all signs of being in self-denial. One doesn't deliberately go into that zone, but one can definitely choose whether to stay in self-denial or to move to a healthier state of mind. Changing elements of your personality as required is part of self-love.


Unlike the common misconception of ‘not changing yourself for anyone', which is a popular philosophical idea, identifying instances where change is required for your own self growth and for the people you love is again a part of self-actualization. It reminds you that you possess the potential to become even stronger and better than you already are.
So, the next time we experience feedback about something we see as a flaw, instead of instantly disregarding it and going on the defensive, let's take a minute to identify if it is a healthy opinion or nasty criticism, and accordingly consider working on it to become a better version of ourselves. Don't forget to take that minute to remind yourself of how beautiful you are and how much more you could become. Love yourself, respect yourself but also take care of yourself.
Be FLAW-some!